Faith?

Thoughts spill from my mind, in an unstoppable ramble. The one constant that is always at the front of all these, or at least somehow connected to all of them? "What comes next?" Where does my consciousness go? My body dies, but does everything that is me go with it? All the things I've learned, pondered, connected, and disconnected in my soul. Is this really all there is? The idea of God has always seemed silly to me, but not in a laughable silliness. Something like the way you laughed at your friends when you were younger for saying that they were superheros, believing that if they so desired, they could do all the things they imagined, with the flick of a switch. As I get older, I find that this thought isn't so much silly, as terrifying. I've always had 'the feeling' that there was something bigger, unknowable, and untouchable out there. Nothing good or evil, just a force that was somehow connected to every living being. Necessity? Maybe, maybe not. Faith? Not likely, but just as plausible.

The only way I can describe what this feeling might be or who, depending on what you believe, is the way it feels to see a loved one that you haven't seen in years; or the way the first day of spring feels after a long winter. Hands shaking nervously, happiness seeming to emanate from inside you, your heart beating faster and faster as this loved one's face comes into focus or; warmth washing over your pale and cold skin, unable to keep the smile from crossing your face.